Posts Tagged 'Tax'

Random Wednesday Musings v. 1

*When other people don’t turn their cell phones to silent in the office, it bothers me.  It especially bothers me when they leave them at their desks and walk away.  But while I sit and listen to it ring, I think: why did that person choose that ringtone?  Was that the default one or did they choose it?  Was that the best one they could find?  Were they too lazy to search for another?  Maybe they actually paid money for it.  Maybe they just changed the ringtone, and they forgot that it was theirs and are also wondering whose cell phone is ringing.  And when the tone is song that plays very loudly, like “Oh, Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine…” or it’s the chipmunks singing Christmas songs, I have to see who it is.  Hello headphones.

*Getting up early and going to work when the rest of my family gets to stay home on vacation is just plain wrong.  There I said it.  I’m not as mature as I claim to be. 

Then I took our M1 adjustment, combined it with our 108b adjustment...

*I don’t know what you have heard, but working on taxes is boring.  Pretending to be interested in them is a lot of work; as is pretending to be interested in what tax people are saying. 

*Crisp rice in granola is a waste of space.  When I buy expensive granola, I don’t want filler. 

*Sometimes I wonder why I work so hard to stay sane.  I mean living in padded rooms, coloring all day, watching TV, and taking drugs are what some people do anyway.  Well, maybe the padded rooms aren’t so much a popular choice.  But, seriously, doesn’t it seem like a simple life?  Maybe I’m missing an important reason of why being crazy is bad.

*My husband said yesterday he met a guy that reminded him of Jack Black, was named

Hello. Just call me Octavius

Octavius, and quoted the movie Sling Blade.  Was anyone else’s interest piqued? 

Anywho, back to the taxes,

Dame Iron Fury

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How To Bomb an Interview

The Dreaded Panel Interview

 There you are, minding your own business, doing your work when you are told you are going to have to interview for a new job.  (WTF??)  Okay, back up just a little.  The boss says you’re doing a great job, but due to a “business need” they need to “reorganize” to eliminate “a hardship in the department” causing you to use an endless string of “air quotes.”  Does this sort of thing actually happen?  Yes.  Am I going to explain more details about it?  No, just go with the flow.  Sure, my ex-manager (now co-worker) is a perv and adjusts himself constantly throughout the day, but I worked damn hard for this job and I don’t want to go back to ordering sandwiches.

So, back to the point of the story: how do you bomb an interview for a job you don’t want and didn’t apply for in the first place?  Good question.  It’s going to be tricky, because I was told I can’t be obvious about it.  (I was told directly that I can’t bomb intentionally.  Nice, thanks.)

We Will Find a Way to Blow this Interview!

I embarked on my journey to failure on a Monday morning in springtime.  I began my search on the internet, like any good crusader, looking up “top 10 interview blunders” and other such helpful hints. These tips were a good start, but unfortunately, I can’t go all out because they will know that I failed on purpose.  I can’t dress completely inappropriately or be completely oblivious to the focus of this position because I already work here and they would most likely have noticed me dressing in a penguin suit before.  Could I ask them to fetch me tea or a sandwich?  Could I just nod my head for all the answers and pretend I’ve suddenly been struck mute?  Could I try to give my answers through interpretive dance?  Damn it, probably not.

Here are my top 10 ways to eliminate the chance of a follow-up interview: 

  1. Sexual Harassment: NO!  Don’t actually harass anyone in the room.  Playing footsie under the table would be obvious.  Instead, during your chance to ask questions, casually, ask how often sexual harassment occurs in this department.
  2. Tattoos: A well placed swastika tattoo can do wonders.  Half of a tattoo peeking out of your sleeve will stun and confuse the interviewers.
  3. Religion: Suggest a prayer at the closing of the interview.
  4. Family Time: See if you can bring your children to work with you everyday.  Daycare is expensive these days.
  5. Sexual Orientation: Would changing teams make me a minority and give me more benefits? 
  6. Pets: Animals are people too.  Double check that they wouldn’t have a problem with you taking extended time off to care for your aging dog.
  7. Don’t Wear Deodorant:  Nobody likes a smelly person
  8. Develop Nervous Ticks:  They make people uncomfortable.
  9. “HARUMPH!”: I well placed “HARUMPH” will draw just enough attention to get you noticed.  And not in the good way.
  10. Interrupt the Interviewer: You can either tell them you had one too many bean burritos for lunch or that you can’t answer that question without a lawyer or trained circus midget present.

    You Can Talk to My Agent

Any other suggestions would be helpful, as the day of my interview is fast approaching.

Love,

Dame Iron Fury