Posts Tagged 'Annoyances'

It Seemed Like a Good Idea

I’m a bit tired today, so I’m going go slowly.  I’ve been toying with the idea of sleeping at night, but so far I don’t think I have the right timing on it.  I’ll keep working on it and let you know.  Which got me thinking about things that seemed like a good idea at the time, but didn’t turn out that way; similar to staying up just a little later to try to finish that movie…

How can cute shoes be a bad idea?

  1. Wearing these shoes.  Sure, they look cute, but are they good to wear for all day?  Negative.  Since I have to grip them using my toes with every step, it makes walking something I have to actually think about vividly.  Since I’m tired I could be using that extra real estate in my head for something more useful, like working. (Nah.)  Maybe if I walk around more my feet will swell up and I won’t have to work so hard to keep them on.
  2. Parking in the shade.  It’s going to be 85 degrees today, so a little warm.  I thought, I should park in the shade and save myself later in the day from an overheated car since my hubby hasn’t gotten it all put back together yet and I don’t have air conditioning.  OK, sure, that sounds like a really good idea, but coming back to the shoe problem…  It took me forever to walk across the parking lot wearing these dogs while thinking about how to hold them on my feet the whole time.  “Grip, grip, grip…”  (They are pretty dogs though.)

    This tea tastes, unfortuately, like those cherry cough drops I used to take when I was little.

  3. Having a cup of tea.  Whether it’s a calming cup of chamomile or a rousing cup of green, it’s sure nice to start the day with a tea.  Tea is a comforting bit of morning tradition for me, but when you end up bumping into that EX-friend who now gives you the evil eye for some reason that you don’t know, tea time is a little less of a treat.  Which brings us to our next one…
  4. Being friends with that girl at work.  Sure she seemed cute and nice and funny in an elfish sort of way; but was all the drama worth it?  And when I say drama, I mean drama with a capital D.  There was a new disaster every day from her roommate’s son finger-painting with her shampoo in the shower, to everyone at work flirting with her, or maybe the store was out of her favorite tea.  “We must call an emergency meeting to discuss how to get through this crisis!”  Now she just seems like a weirdo that clears her throat all the time, has big feet and ignores me like I’m invisible.  I still don’t know what I did to make her not want to be friends anymore; but somehow I’m alright with that now.
  5. Rocking too hard. I know!  How can that possibly be a bad thing?  Well, it is when your headphones are turned up too loud for extended periods of time or you have been to one too many rock concerts with horribly distorted speakers.  I think I have damaged my ears because they ring when there is a lack of ambient white noise.  And what’s worse than them ringing, is realizing I’m telling my kids that they will understand when they are older and they should just take my word for it.  I added 15 years to my virtual age by uttering those words.  Oh, my sacroiliac!  I think my gout just flared up!

    I kept making this face and it stuck! Listen to your parents!

I’m sure I could go on and on for days…but I better just smile and nod and get back to work.  

Peace out!

Dame Iron Fury

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Random Wednesday Musings v. 1

*When other people don’t turn their cell phones to silent in the office, it bothers me.  It especially bothers me when they leave them at their desks and walk away.  But while I sit and listen to it ring, I think: why did that person choose that ringtone?  Was that the default one or did they choose it?  Was that the best one they could find?  Were they too lazy to search for another?  Maybe they actually paid money for it.  Maybe they just changed the ringtone, and they forgot that it was theirs and are also wondering whose cell phone is ringing.  And when the tone is song that plays very loudly, like “Oh, Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine…” or it’s the chipmunks singing Christmas songs, I have to see who it is.  Hello headphones.

*Getting up early and going to work when the rest of my family gets to stay home on vacation is just plain wrong.  There I said it.  I’m not as mature as I claim to be. 

Then I took our M1 adjustment, combined it with our 108b adjustment...

*I don’t know what you have heard, but working on taxes is boring.  Pretending to be interested in them is a lot of work; as is pretending to be interested in what tax people are saying. 

*Crisp rice in granola is a waste of space.  When I buy expensive granola, I don’t want filler. 

*Sometimes I wonder why I work so hard to stay sane.  I mean living in padded rooms, coloring all day, watching TV, and taking drugs are what some people do anyway.  Well, maybe the padded rooms aren’t so much a popular choice.  But, seriously, doesn’t it seem like a simple life?  Maybe I’m missing an important reason of why being crazy is bad.

*My husband said yesterday he met a guy that reminded him of Jack Black, was named

Hello. Just call me Octavius

Octavius, and quoted the movie Sling Blade.  Was anyone else’s interest piqued? 

Anywho, back to the taxes,

Dame Iron Fury

How To Bomb an Interview

The Dreaded Panel Interview

 There you are, minding your own business, doing your work when you are told you are going to have to interview for a new job.  (WTF??)  Okay, back up just a little.  The boss says you’re doing a great job, but due to a “business need” they need to “reorganize” to eliminate “a hardship in the department” causing you to use an endless string of “air quotes.”  Does this sort of thing actually happen?  Yes.  Am I going to explain more details about it?  No, just go with the flow.  Sure, my ex-manager (now co-worker) is a perv and adjusts himself constantly throughout the day, but I worked damn hard for this job and I don’t want to go back to ordering sandwiches.

So, back to the point of the story: how do you bomb an interview for a job you don’t want and didn’t apply for in the first place?  Good question.  It’s going to be tricky, because I was told I can’t be obvious about it.  (I was told directly that I can’t bomb intentionally.  Nice, thanks.)

We Will Find a Way to Blow this Interview!

I embarked on my journey to failure on a Monday morning in springtime.  I began my search on the internet, like any good crusader, looking up “top 10 interview blunders” and other such helpful hints. These tips were a good start, but unfortunately, I can’t go all out because they will know that I failed on purpose.  I can’t dress completely inappropriately or be completely oblivious to the focus of this position because I already work here and they would most likely have noticed me dressing in a penguin suit before.  Could I ask them to fetch me tea or a sandwich?  Could I just nod my head for all the answers and pretend I’ve suddenly been struck mute?  Could I try to give my answers through interpretive dance?  Damn it, probably not.

Here are my top 10 ways to eliminate the chance of a follow-up interview: 

  1. Sexual Harassment: NO!  Don’t actually harass anyone in the room.  Playing footsie under the table would be obvious.  Instead, during your chance to ask questions, casually, ask how often sexual harassment occurs in this department.
  2. Tattoos: A well placed swastika tattoo can do wonders.  Half of a tattoo peeking out of your sleeve will stun and confuse the interviewers.
  3. Religion: Suggest a prayer at the closing of the interview.
  4. Family Time: See if you can bring your children to work with you everyday.  Daycare is expensive these days.
  5. Sexual Orientation: Would changing teams make me a minority and give me more benefits? 
  6. Pets: Animals are people too.  Double check that they wouldn’t have a problem with you taking extended time off to care for your aging dog.
  7. Don’t Wear Deodorant:  Nobody likes a smelly person
  8. Develop Nervous Ticks:  They make people uncomfortable.
  9. “HARUMPH!”: I well placed “HARUMPH” will draw just enough attention to get you noticed.  And not in the good way.
  10. Interrupt the Interviewer: You can either tell them you had one too many bean burritos for lunch or that you can’t answer that question without a lawyer or trained circus midget present.

    You Can Talk to My Agent

Any other suggestions would be helpful, as the day of my interview is fast approaching.

Love,

Dame Iron Fury